Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
