this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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