ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
