My friends, they love my intelligence
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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