I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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