This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think my vagina is haunted
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
