Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
