I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
