you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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