I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
