True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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