I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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