Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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