Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I CAN MOONWALK!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
