I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
