Swine flu. Run for my life!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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