He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the room spins SO much faster in panama
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
