If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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