Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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