The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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