you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
