And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
