she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
