Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
