So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
