im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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