I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
