You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
