Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
