I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Randomize
