Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
