man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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