i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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