her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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