i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
