you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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