so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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