He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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