dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
