So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
