if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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