I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
