I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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