a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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