I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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