But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
