The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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