my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
