i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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