I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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