he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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