1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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