He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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