She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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