He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
