you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
