I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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