i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
50% drunk capacity currently
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
