it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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