I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize