We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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