we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
