Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
