toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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