Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
