That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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