He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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